That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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