I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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