I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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