conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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