I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
