Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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