ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
