I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
