you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
