I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
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We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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