he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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