i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
