He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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