I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
