Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
