turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
