I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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