did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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