I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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