i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
