Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
