Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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