Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
