Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
