I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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