I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I smell stomach acid.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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