I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
