I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Enjoy the penises
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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