you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
