id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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