Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
