he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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