i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
