Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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