and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
that's an acceptable place to lick
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
