I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
