I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
