if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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