i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
