yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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