Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
