There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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