i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
