Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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