i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
