I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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