Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
