Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
