hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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