True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
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i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
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Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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