Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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