Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
