this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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