Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
