The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My pussy is not your playground.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
