I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
