dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
