Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
