Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
