would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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