I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
