Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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