Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
