My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
