My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
