I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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