She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
