we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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