So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
