I'm pants shitting drunk right now
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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