I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
