We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
