he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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