No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
How's work?
Spinning.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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