So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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