This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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