Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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