You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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