Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
