after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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